Finding yourself during illness, caregiving, and change
By Whitney B. Hadley, MA, LISW, OSW-C
There is more to you
When illness, caregiving, or change takes up much of the day, conversations can begin to revolve around what needs to happen next: an appointment, a decision, someone else’s needs. There may be less room for the music you love, your sense of humor, a strong preference, or a story you used to enjoy telling.
Those parts of you may be harder to reach right now. Some may have changed. You do not have to return to an earlier version of yourself to make room for who you are today.
You do not have to choose one story
Being a patient, caregiver, partner, or parent can matter deeply. Those roles can belong in your story alongside your interests, preferences, relationships, and ways of seeing the world.
Wanting space for yourself does not take away from the care you give or the reality of what you are going through.
Familiar, different, and still unfolding
You might miss something you cannot do in the same way now. You might also find that a familiar interest no longer fits, or that something once overlooked has become important. You do not need to call these changes good or bad.
Missing something does not mean you have to replace it, and change does not have to become a story about growth.
Sometimes what matters can take a different form: choosing the music when you cannot go to a concert, or talking about a subject you love when your day has been full of appointments. Sometimes there is no workable version right now. That does not make the thing you care about less meaningful.
A preference counts. So does something you miss, something you enjoy, or something you have not found words for yet. You do not need a complete answer to who you are.
If you would like to explore further
If you would like more space to explore these ideas, I created A Little More Like Me, a reflection workbook for navigating illness, caregiving, and change. It offers a guided way to notice what still feels familiar, what has shifted, and what you would like to make room for.
The workbook includes a making-room exercise that considers real limits and support needs, a personal “What I want you to understand about me” page, and a conversation guide with examples for expressing preferences, making requests, and setting boundaries.
You can work through it at your own pace and skip anything that does not feel useful.
This post offers general education and reflection. It is not psychotherapy, diagnosis, treatment, or individualized advice, and it does not replace professional care.
Further reading
Optional context for the themes in this post. The workbook is not a validated assessment or treatment protocol.
National Cancer Institute. Life after cancer treatment.
Family Caregiver Alliance. Taking care of YOU: Self-care for family caregivers.
Frank, A. W. (2013). The wounded storyteller (2nd ed.). University of Chicago Press.
Charmaz, K. (1983). Loss of self. Sociology of Health & Illness, 5(2), 168-195.
